Do you ever struggle to know who you are amidst the world and its perceptions of you? Do you ever feel unloved, unwanted, or insecure? Do you find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering who the reflection is that stares back at you? I do!
One would think, as a Christian woman, I would be secure and safe in the knowledge that I am a daughter of God. Well, this great big world and all of its voices have a way of beating me down, telling me I am unworthy, undesirable, and never good enough! In my soul, deep within, I know who I am in God, and yet I still struggle every day!! Am I a good mom? What have I done or not done to merit the way I get treated? Will I be a good wife? I have messed up already so am I really ready to try again…better yet do I deserve to be loved in the way I desire? Will I ever be good enough? Can I ever be happy with who I am? Or will I constantly struggle until the days I sit at the feet of God in the heavens above, when my eyes will be opened to what my soul already knows is true?
So frequently, I allow the world to define me and tell me who it is I see in the mirror. Oh, how much power I give to others and to the world; to satan and his wicked whispers in my ear that I am unworthy! How often I allow the negative thoughts to triumph, or buy into the lies that I am not pretty enough, not strong enough, not……you fill in the blank! The battle indeed is every day, practically every hour, unless my day is so busy I have no time to think. Hmmm. Perhaps that is why I stay so busy; why I keep my days so full? Do I always find things to do so that I don’t have to confront the battle of my mind? It makes sense.
Anyway, enough of my endless rambling. As I have struggled with this, even more so over the last few days, the Lord has led me to search “Woman of God”. The Proverbs woman is more than I can handle at the moment–in her beauty, her perfection in how she manages and cares for her home, in the honor and respect she has earned from her husband and children. I was overwhelmed and yet inspired. She is a vision of perfection I have not yet encountered in this world and feel I will never achieve. Yet, somehow, she inspires me. She, the Proverbs woman, challenges me.
We shall see where Lord takes me on this journey to believe and see myself as I truly am—a daughter of the righteous King! May you find your way as well, and know that even when the flesh feels one way, when the desires of this world overwhelm, the spirit will still lead and strengthen you, bringing a deep sense of peace amidst the shallow and insecure human, fleshly thoughts.
Thanks Lord for the Journey! May you always be with me, showing me the way, being the captain of my ship.